Questions from readers

By Gregory Ramey, PhD, child psychologist at Dayton Children's and Dayton Daily News columnist

Question:
Our 15-year-old daughter is really a fanatic when it comes to germs. She doesn’t want people to hug her, sit on her bed, or touch things in her room.  She washes her hands about 25 times a day. Is this something she will grow out of or should we have her talk with someone?

Answer:
Phobias become problems when these behavioral patterns interfere significantly with daily living. While a number of young people (and adults) are concerned about germs, some people take extraordinary precautions to avoid what are really harmless situations.

Your daughter’s fears are unusual. Have her speak with your family doctor, as many of her concerns about germs are unreasonable. If these behaviors continue, seek professional guidance as she can’t go through life with such irrational fears.

Question:
My 8 year old daughter has an 11-year-old friend who comes over and plays with her regularly. I have welcomed the 11 year old into our home for several years.

The 11 year old recently got a cell phone, and has been texting boys when she is at my house. I’m uncomfortable about how this might influence my 8 year old, as she is way too young to be interested in boys. I don’t want my daughter to lose the friendship of her best friend, but I’m not sure what to do.

Answer:
You have every right to set the rules in your house. Speak to the 11 year old in private and let her know that you welcome her at your house. However, explain your rule about cell phone usage and text messaging. Tell her you want her to spend time interacting with your daughter rather than texting other kids. You should also have a conversation with the mother of the 11-year-old as well.

Question:
How can I stop my 10 year old from using the “F” word? This has developed into quite a habit, and it doesn’t matter how many times I tell him to stop swearing he does it anyway. It’s very embarrassing when we are in public.

Answer:
The only way your child could have developed such a habit is if you allowed this behavior over a long period of time. 
 
If you really want him to stop swearing, then punish him every time he swears. This means stop the talking, lecturing, whining, begging and pleading. Simply tell him that anytime he swears there will be a brief punishment such as being sent to his room, restricted from using the TV or computer or something else that is meaningful to him. Within a week, you’ll stop hearing the “F” word in your family.

Gregory Ramey, PhD, is a child psychologist at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton and a columnist for the Dayton Daily News. If you have a question for Dr. Ramey, go to Ask An Expert.